Terminator Salvation wasn’t terrible. Word on the street is that it’s indefensible, but it wasn’t quite as bad as I’d expected. The franchise’s fourth entry occasionally approaches a respectable level of quality; if one manages to forgive a few ongoing issues and ignore the uneven first act, it’s probably an enjoyable theater experience and a deserving addition to the series. Chances are, though, your average thinking moviegoer won’t be able to disregard these problems.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a better film hidden somewhere in these scenes, but it was irreparably disfigured by some unfortunate editing. The first act suffers from uneven timing and a lack of urgency, and there are bits of dialogue throughout the film which were clearly dubbed in post-production to account for some deficiency in the original shot. (Aside: I have a theory that the number of lines obviously recorded after the completion of principal photography is conversely proportional to the quality of a movie.) These implied deficiencies suggest some sort of dramatic changes were made to the construction of the first few plot points, or that the production was approached with an insufficient attention to detail. Or perhaps the obviousness of these hiccups simply reflects on the ability of the editing team, which is just as damning.

The lack of urgency in those segments also marred Terminator’s action scenes. While these were undeniably visually impressive and often fun, stupidly-named director McG fails to create any sense of danger or suspense. There is the requisite intensity, though it is often provided only by loud collisions of metal. It’s odd, the first action part in this movie features a very long steadicam shot, as do others. Instead of evoking (fond) memories of Children of Men, however, these sequences reminded me more of a theme park simulator ride. One silly scene - in which the entire human resistance fails to kill two people despite landmines, massive firepower and a strategical advantage - will surely make for a great stunt show at Universal Studios. That’s not a compliment.

McG was simply the wrong guy to helm this flick. He might be the nicest guy in the world, Esquire, but for one, there’s no reason he can’t use his full name. He actually interrupts Terminator after the action has begun by cutting to black and stamping “Directed by McG” on the screen, well after the opening credits had rolled. I laughed. His name alone is going to affect the way people perceive the movie, to say nothing of his track record. I like “Chuck.” McG should be directing a silly movie about giant robots, like Transformers, not this presumably serious one.

Furthermore, while I’m usually a huge advocate of deterministic movies, this one is an example of Doing Determinism Wrong. The fact is, John Connor exists in this film, so we know he is successful in saving the life of Kyle Reese, his father. This is more problematic here than in another movie where it is a given that the good guys win, mostly because of McG’s inability to manufacture a sense of danger. Here, we know the future - or rather, the past? - so it is more Star Wars: The Phantom Menace than new Star Trek.

What is it with time travel movies lately?

Speaking of Star Trek, Anton Yelchin is having a hell of a summer. Yelchin, who you might remember from Charlie Bartlett, was Chekov in Trek and portrays Kyle Reese in Terminator. His part is relatively brief, but he’s refreshing nontheless. Christian Bale, meanwhile, plays John Connor mostly as a steely-gazed soldier whose only notable characteristic is his obsession with his own name. Common is in here, too, playing the same guy he did in Wanted. The cast is rounded out by Sam Worthington as Marcus Wright, who really gets the majority of the screentime. At least he is something new to watch. But he, after all, is a robot, and Bale mostly acts like one. Yelchin gets so little screentime, he’s almost a non-factor. Combine the distance the audience feels from these characters with that absent drama, and you get a movie it’s hard to care about.

There are nice nods to the Cameron pictures - the familiar lines, some sort of impressive digital human cameo, a motorcycle jumping off a bridge in pursuit of a semi - but the better parts are the fun actiony parts. Sadly, this movie refuses to embrace fun. There isn’t a single joke in the script. Rewatch Terminator 1, McG. It’s pretty funny. Your attempt was tragically serious.

Danny Elfman’s score didn’t contribute anything. And I mean, c’mon, how can Skynet be so horribly ineffective? They program treasonous infiltration units and can’t take out a hanger full of enemy planes sitting undefended - although the humans might be stupider still. Connor expends half his arsenal to take out Wright until he is instantly convinced otherwise by, what, three lines of dialogue? Bale also throws in the growly Batman voice for no reason. Distracting.

To sum it all up, there is the unexplained inclusion of a little black girl who never speaks but has an apparently bottomless bag of gadgets. At least her muteness prevents her from being the second coming of Temple of Doom’s Short Round.

I’d rather have been playing Fallout.

Terminator Salvation 2 stars / 5
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